One question I am constantly asked by business owners is how they balance genuine relationship-building with their need to grow their business through networking. They want to be authentic while still achieving commercial results, but often feel these goals are in conflict.

My answer is that it is curiosity that separates those building real business networks from those simply exchanging business cards, even when both have clear commercial objectives.

My belief in this answer was reinforced recently when I attended a networking event.  I was genuinely impressed by the welcome from the members, the group’s collaborative spirit and impressive business results. In response, it felt natural to follow up by sending out a thoughtful email offering complimentary strategy conversations to members who might be struggling in their business journey.

I will be honest – my offer was not purely altruistic.  My objective was to generate conversations with business owners that will potentially lead to them signing on as clients. Adopting this approach is for me what separates effective networkers from those who struggle: it is not about eliminating business objectives, it is about leading with genuine curiosity about how I might help, even when I have a commercial objective in mind.

The responses to my email revealed different networking philosophies and reinforced my beliefs about what creates lasting business relationships.

Most approached my offer through a purely transactional lens – membership pitches that missed the conversation opportunity, generic “thanks for reaching out” messages, and one person who dismissed my offer as mere “feedback.”  These responses reflected one approach to business relationships that focuses primarily on immediate, direct results from the exchange.

There was one response that took a different approach. This member engaged with curiosity, reflecting thoughtfully on our brief interaction, acknowledging areas where their business could improve, and expressing genuine interest in continuing our conversation. This demonstrated what I believe separates good networkers from great ones: the willingness to explore possibilities through genuine dialogue, even within a commercial context.

Over my years in business, I have become much more conscious of this paradox: I can have clear business objectives AND approach each networking opportunity with authentic curiosity. I am always curious about understanding challenges people face, exploring how I can create real win-win opportunities, and building relationships that sustain over time. I recognize the best business relationships grow from real connection, not forced transactions.

The difference between transactional and relationship-based networking often comes down to this nuanced question: am I genuinely curious about how I can help others succeed within a context where we might also do business together, or am I focused solely on filling my own pipeline?

When business owners ask me how to become better networkers, I tell them to embrace an approach that while acknowledging business goals, leads with authentic curiosity. The question isn’t whether the business owner can benefit from the relationship – it’s whether they are genuinely interested in understanding how they might help others succeed.