I will be honest — during my initial years as a coach, I was afraid to ask my clients for testimonials about the positive outcomes we were achieving together.

My problem: I lived in fear my clients would give me an outright No or, if they did respond, they would be critical of my approach as a coach.

Despite having helped dozens of business owners achieve significant changes in themselves and their businesses, any poor commentary would have me questioning whether I knew what I was doing. This would result in me researching new frameworks, considering completely changing my approach, and losing sleep over whether I was good enough.

The fascinating part is once I had the confidence to seek and receive testimonials, I fell into the validation trap – constantly seeking confirmation from others instead of trusting my own judgment and experience.

Don’t get me wrong. External validation matters.  I loved receiving client testimonials, and positive feedback about my performance as a coach – these all serve an important purpose. However, for me, external validation became my primary source of judging self-worth and maintaining business confidence.

During those years there was a pattern of undercharging because I doubted my value, changed direction based on feedback from prospects who never bought, and lost sleep over a small number of negative reviews despite receiving vastly more positive ones.

The turning point came when my coach challenged me about whether relying on external validation was usefully serving me.  I was building my self-esteem and my business on a foundation of sand that could too easily be washed away.

In that moment, I came to understand Internal validation must become my foundation, being the deep-seated belief in my skills, experience, and value built through years of delivering real results. Learning to trust myself first changed everything. Instead of constantly seeking confirmation I was “good enough,” I started from a place of knowing my worth.

Since then, here are the three key lessons about how I built internal validation, which are the lessons I regularly pass onto business owners:

Acknowledge my track record – I document my wins and the value I create. This is not about ego – it is about evidence.

Trust my experience. – I did not stumble into success by accident. The skills that got me here are real.

Remember my why – I always connect with the deeper purpose that drives me. External opinions cannot touch my core motivation.

In the end, I am comfortable knowing external validation confirms what I already know about myself rather than determining it. I use feedback as a compass for improvement, not as the foundation of my self-worth.

My message to business owners – Business and personal success is more likely to come when you believe in yourself first.  External validation is a tool for growth rather than a drug you need to survive. That shift changes everything – your confidence, your pricing, your client relationships, your peace of mind.