A client came to me in crisis.

An impending redundancy had shattered her sense of self. She’d built a successful 15-year career in a male-dominated industry, which was about to be taken away from her.

“I am a failure,” she said. “I have failed my wife, my family, and myself. I don’t see a way forward.”

While I felt the emotion and tension in her words, I wasn’t going to validate that story.

I changed  tack.

“Tell me about your parents.”

 “They came to Australia as refugees from Cambodia, escaping the Pol Pot regime. They came with nothing and built a successful life.”

 “What do you admire most about them?”

 “They are hardworking, determined, motivated, and courageous.”

 I leaned forward: “Who does that describe?”

She went quiet. Leaned back in her chair and stared out the window.

When she looked back at me, she said softly: “Me. But I haven’t done anything like they did.”

I responded: “Here’s what you have: a successful 15-year career as a female in a male-dominated industry. You’ve navigated issues around your identity. You’re in love with a wonderful partner. You have done so much to be proud of.”

She went quiet again.  Then she sat up straight with a beaming smile that lit up her face: “You’re so right.  I did do those things.  I have so much to be proud of.  Until now I didn’t see that.”

 The shift happened.  Not from me telling her she was okay.  But from her seeing what she couldn’t see about herself.

I gave her homework: Frame the article about her parent’s journey to Australia and her favourite wedding photo. Display them prominently.

A week later, she texted: “I never realised how much one small thing had such an impact. Since putting up those frames, I’ve realized how much I’ve neglected what matters. My home feels different. It’s reminded me how important it is to make space for things that bring me peace and happiness.”

 My client came into our conversation believing she was a failure.  She left recognizing her resilience in the face of adversity.  The shift was not external – it was internal.  It is the shift that allows people to move forward when there appears to be no way forward.