During a coaching conversation in the past week, the client and I were working on how to shift their inner self-talk to a more positive and optimistic mindset.  The premise being that having such thoughts should transform the way they will approach the challenges the business was facing.

However, the client pushed back on whether this approached worked.  He explained he had worked with another coach who encouraged him that the constant repeating of positive phrases would change his life.  He was taught that by simply by telling himself on a regular basis through positive affirmations, such as “I am successful”, his fears will disappear, and success will follow.

The problem was that whilst this did provide a temporary fix, the negative self-talk always returned often with greater impact than ever before.

What he really wanted was strategies of how to deal with the negative self-talk.

That shifted our conversation to outlining three strategies I use to reframe my negative self-talk being:

1. When those negative thoughts arise be with them. Instead of trying to suppress them simply let those emotions be there.  This may well give rise to uncomfortable feelings.  When they do, label them simply as energy in your body.  Remind yourself you are not in danger.
2. When you catch your inner critic flinging accusations around, be curious by seeking more information about how they arose and how I might approach dealing with them.
3. Articulate and acknowledge the thoughts that are weighing you down – give them a voice. Once they have a voice, make a statement about them that forgives yourself for feeling that way – be compassionate to yourself.